Success begins at home

To mark International Men's Day this week, three of our people explain how they balance their work and personal lives and strive to be a positive role model to their children. 

Stephen McGrath, Head of Corporate & Institutional for Mourant Governance Services in Jersey, describes why it's important his son and daughter believe they can succeed regardless of their gender. 

I've always been slightly sceptical about what an 'International Day' seeks to achieve or promote, and struggle with the idea of a specific day dedicated to celebrating 'men' on the basis that men, as part of society, have notionally been 'celebrated' for years, often to the detriment of others. 

I'm a happily married man and Dad to two amazing children, my son (9) and my daughter (7) – to the outside world, we're that very traditional family unit. I love how my children view the world through innocent eyes. They don't see race or religion, and don't make judgements on what is healthy or unhealthy, but from an early age they do learn success and failure. Thankfully, so far, they don't see any difference between genders. I'm not denying that my children are privileged - I too was afforded the same privileges and as a child growing up, gender equality wasn't a familiar concept. 

My Mum (a former paediatric nurse who trained at Great Ormond Street) took a break from nursing to raise my sister and me. To my innocent eyes, that appeared to be the norm and, at that time, my parents, on the face of things, had a stereotypical relationship of their generation. 

While my Dad was the 'breadwinner', my sister and I never believed our ability to succeed was predicated on whether we were male or female. It was quite simply a fact that my sister and I could achieve whatever we set out to achieve – we believed our personalities would dictate our career direction. 

Living in different times

I was, of course, naïve (let's call it innocent). It's only now that I understand some of the challenges my sister faced as a female. I do, however, want my children to have a similar innocence (without being naïve), but be educated to understand that there genuinely shouldn’t be any barriers to an individual's success. 

You may well be asking where this is all going, when I'm writing about International Men's Day. Quite simply, I believe that the change in generation means that now, more than ever, we need to celebrate the positive value men bring to the world, their families and their wider communities. Yet men's role in society has never been more difficult. 

We used to celebrate 'men' as the breadwinners, the CEOs, the inventors, the astronauts – we can't change history but by reflecting on how times have changed is important as men's duty to 'provide' is greater than ever and goes well beyond putting food on the table. In truth men need to deliver and provide a balanced platform from which the next generation can grow. 

My wife and I both work full time, and my wife has a career that's equally as challenging as mine. I love that neither my son nor my daughter has the concept of 'success as a man' or 'success as a woman', all they see and understand is success. It's my duty to uphold that view and ensure my son maintains and encourages that opinion and that my daughter's views do not change or be undermined. 

The new vanguard

Together men have an obligation to educate society. I enjoy this challenge as society still has a significant way to go. Something as innocent as letters home asking mum's to volunteer, bake cakes and so on, or those people that suggest you are 'babysitting' when they see a dad with his own children can be unintentionally damaging. I believe it's a man's role to help ensure we eradicate this mindset from society. 

I enjoy the fact that I'm the person in our house with primary responsibility for decorating Easter eggs, decorating jars with unicorns, glitter or footballs, baking cakes and cookies, gluing sequins on to ballet outfits, making necklaces and hama bead patterns in addition to basketball, football and cricket. In our house, these are my jobs and are very normal interactions. 

My wife and I can only succeed if we share responsibilities and we don't really have time for gender stereotypes. As a man, I do however have to recognise that they exist and that's why I really try to play an equal role in our family in terms of parenting and household chores. Men have a duty to enable other men to succeed and, in turn, this will enable women and future generations to succeed. Life is hard enough, there is nothing to be gained from either putting pointless obstacles in place or accepting an unacceptable 'norm'. 

Like many parents, I experience self-doubt all the time, forever wondering whether I’m doing enough for my kids and if I’m giving them the same kind of happy childhood that I enjoyed. Modern life is becoming more of a plate-spinning act and as a result, people are getting more stressed and susceptible to depression. 

I would encourage everyone to ensure life isn't harder for any single person than it needs to be, and this blog is about understanding the type of 'men' we're celebrating. Recognising that celebrating the right 'men' will help eradicate behaviours that don’t have any place in society and ultimately allow individuals to succeed.